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it would have a good effect, and remembered me, that I had said nothing
but what would rather move compassion than resentment,) that I forgave
her. But O! that I was safe from this house! for never poor creature
sure was so flustered as I have been so many months together;--I am
called down from this most tedious scribble. I wonder what will next
befall Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
Mrs. Jervis says, she is sure I shall have the chariot to carry me home
to you. Though this will look too great for me, yet it will shew as if I
was not turned away quite in disgrace. The travelling chariot is come
from Lincolnshire, and I fancy I shall go in that; for the other is quite
grand.
LETTER XXX
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I write again, though, may be, I shall bring it to you in my pocket: for
I shall have no writing, nor writing-time, I hope, when I come to you.
This is Wednesday morning, and I shall, I hope, set out to you to-morrow
morning; but I have had more trials and more vexations; but of another
complexion too a little, though all from the same quarter.
Yesterday my master, after he came from hunting, sent for me. I went
with great terror: for I expected he would storm, and be in a fine
passion with me for my freedom of speech before: so I was resolved to
begin first, with submission, to disarm his anger; and I fell upon my
knees as soon as I saw him; and said, Good sir, let me beseech you, as
you hope to be forgiven yourself, and for the sake of my dear good lady
your mother, who recommended me to you with her last words, to forgive me
all my faults; and only grant me this favour, the last I shall ask you,
that you will let me depart your house with peace and quietness of mind,
that I may take such a leave of my dear fellow-servants as befits me; and
that my heart be not quite broken.
He took me up, in a kinder manner than ever I had known; and he said,
Shut the door, Pamela, and come to me in my closet: I want to have a
little serious talk with you. How can I, sir, said I, how can I! and
wrung my hands. O pray, sir, let me go out of your presence, I beseech
you! By the God that made me, said he, I'll do you no harm. Shut the
parlour door, and come to me in my library.
He then went into his closet, which is his library, and full of rich
pictures besides; a noble apartment, though called a closet, and next the
private garden, into which it has a door that opens. I shut the parlour
door, as he bid me; but stood at it irresolute. Place some confidence in
me, said he: Surely you may, when I have spoken thus solemnly. So I
crept towards him with trembling feet, and my heart throbbing through my
handkerchief. Come in, said he, when I bid you. I did so. Pray, sir,
said I, pity and spare me. I will, said he, as I hope to be saved. He
sat down upon a rich settee; and took hold of my hand, and said, Don't
doubt me, Pamela. From this moment I will no more consider you as my
servant: and I desire you'll not use me with ingratitude for the kindness
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