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But, do you think,
if I was to ask to stay, that he is sorry for what he has done? Ay, and
ashamed of it too? For I am sure he ought, considering his high degree,
and my low degree, and how I have nothing in the world to trust to but my
honesty: Do you think in your own conscience now, (pray answer me truly,)
that he would never offer any thing to me again, and that I could be
safe?
Alas! my dear child, said she, don't put thy home questions to me, with
that pretty becoming earnestness in thy look. I know this, that he is
vexed at what he has done; he was vexed the first time, more vexed the
second time.
Yes, said I, and so he will be vexed, I suppose, the third, and the
fourth time too, till he has quite ruined your poor maiden; and who will
have cause to be vexed then?
Nay, Pamela, said she, don't imagine that I would be accessory to your
ruin for the world. I only can say, that he has, yet, done you no hurt;
and it is no wonder he should love you, you are so pretty; though so much
beneath him but, I dare swear for him, he never will offer you any force.
You say, said I, that he was sorry for his first offer in the summer-
house. Well, and how long did his sorrow last?--Only till he found me by
myself; and then he was worse than before: and so became sorry again.
And if he has deigned to love me, and you say can't help it, why, he
can't help it neither, if he should have an opportunity, a third time to
distress me. And I have read that many a man has been ashamed of his
wicked attempts, when he has been repulsed, that would never have been
ashamed of them, had he succeeded. Besides, Mrs. Jervis, if he really
intends to offer no force, What does that mean?--While you say he can't
help liking me, for love it cannot be--Does it not imply that he hopes to
ruin me by my own consent? I think, said I, (and hope I should have
grace to do so,) that I should not give way to his temptations on any
account; but it would be very presumptuous in me to rely upon my own
strength against a gentleman of his qualifications and estate, and who is
my waster; and thinks himself entitled to call me bold-face, and what
not? only for standing on my necessary defence: and that, too, where the
good of my soul and body, and my duty to God, and my parents, are all
concerned. How then, Mrs. Jervis, said I, can I ask or wish to stay?
Well, well, says she; as he seems very desirous you should not stay, I
hope it is from a good motive; for fear he should be tempted to disgrace
himself as well as you. No, no, Mrs. Jervis, said I; I have thought of
that too; for I would be glad to consider him with that duty that becomes
me: but then he would have let me go to Lady Davers, and not have
hindered my preferment: and he would not have said, I should return to my
poverty and distress, when, by his mother's goodness, I had been lifted
out of it; but that he intended to fright me, and punish me, as he
thought, for not complying with his wickedness: And this shews me well
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