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regard to those first condemned, that the parties subject to the
second trial would likewise be spared? Was the indulgence to be
confined only to the former, on account of their having been
arrested previous to the publication of the edicts against secret
societies; the full vengeance of the law being reserved for
subsequent offenders?
Well, I exclaimed, we shall not long be kept in suspense; I am at
least grateful to Heaven for being allowed time to prepare myself in
a becoming manner for the final scene.
CHAPTER XLVIII.
It was now my only consideration how to die like a Christian, and
with proper fortitude. I felt, indeed, a strong temptation to avoid
the scaffold by committing suicide, but overcame it. What merit is
there in refusing to die by the hand of the executioner, and yet to
fall by one's own? To save one's honour? But is it not childish to
suppose that there can be more honour in cheating the executioner,
than in not doing this, when it is clear that we must die. Even had
I not been a Christian, upon serious reflection, suicide would have
appeared to me both ridiculous and useless, if not criminal in a
high degree.
"If the term of life be expired," continued I, "am I not fortunate
in being permitted to collect my thoughts and purify my conscience
with penitence and prayer becoming a man in affliction. In popular
estimation, the being led to the scaffold is the worst part of
death; in the opinion of the wise, is not this far preferable to the
thousand deaths which daily occur by disease, attended by general
prostration of intellect, without power to raise the thoughts from
the lowest state of physical exhaustion."
I felt the justice of this reasoning, and lost all feeling of
anxiety or terror at the idea of a public execution. I reflected
deeply on the sacraments calculated to support me under such an
appalling trial, and I felt disposed to receive them in a right
spirit. Should I have been enabled, had I really been conducted to
the scaffold, to preserve the same elevation of mind, the same
forgiveness of my enemies, the same readiness to lay down my life at
the will of God, as I then felt? Alas, how inconsistent is man!
when most firm and pious, how liable is he to fall suddenly into
weakness and crime! Is it likely I should have died worthily? God
only knows; I dare not think well enough of myself to assert it.
The probable approach of death so riveted my imagination, that not
only did it seem possible but as if marked by an infallible
presentiment. I no longer indulged a hope of avoiding it, and at
every sound of footsteps and keys, or the opening of my door, I was
in the habit of exclaiming: "Courage! Perhaps I am going to
receive sentence. Let me hear it with calm dignity, and bless the
name of the Lord."
I considered in what terms I should last address my family, each of
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