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Moreover, if this mock Julian start
opinions so directly opposite to my own, if he spare not the most
biting sarcasm, if he attack me thus uncourteously; is it not all a
proof that he can be no spy? Yet, might not this be a mere
stratagem, to draw me into a discussion by wounding my self-love?
Yet no! I am unjust--I smart under his bitter irreligious jests,
and conclude at once that he must be the most infamous of men. Base
suspicion, which I have so often decried in others! he may be what
he appears--a presumptuous infidel, but not a spy. Have I even a
right to call by the name of INSOLENCE, what he considers SINCERITY.
Is this, I continued, thy humility, oh, hypocrite? If any one
presume to maintain his own opinions, and to question your faith, he
is forthwith to be met with contempt and abuse. Is not this worse
in a Christian, than the bold sincerity of the unbeliever? Yes, and
perhaps he only requires one ray of Divine grace, to employ his
noble energetic love of truth in the cause of true religion, with
far greater success than yourself. Were it not, then, more becoming
in me to pray for, than to irritate him? Who knows, but while
employed in destroying his letter with every mark of ignominy, he
might be reading mine with expressions of kindness and affection;
never dreaming I should fly into such a mighty passion at his plain
and bold sincerity. Is he not the better of the two, to love and
esteem me while declaring he is no Christian; than I who exclaim, I
am a Christian, and I detest you. It is difficult to obtain a
knowledge of a man during a long intercourse, yet I would condemn
him on the evidence of a single letter. He may, perhaps, be unhappy
in his atheism, and wish to hear all my arguments to enable him the
better to arrive at the truth. Perhaps, too, I may be called to
effect so beneficent a work, the humble instrument of a gracious
God. Oh, that it may indeed be so, I will not shrink from the
task."
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
I sat down to write to Julian, and was cautious not to let one
irritating word proceed from my pen. I took in good part his
reflection upon my fastidiousness of conscience; I even joked about
it, telling him he perhaps gave me too much credit for it, and ought
to suspend his good opinion till he knew me better. I praised his
sincerity, assuring him that he would find me equal to him in this
respect, and that as a proof of it, I had determined to defend
Christianity, "Well persuaded," I added, "that as I shall readily
give free scope to your opinions, you will be prepared to give me
the same advantage."
I then boldly entered upon my task, arguing my way by degrees, and
analysing with impartiality the essence of Christianity; the worship
of God free from superstitions, the brotherhood of mankind,
aspiration after virtue, humility without baseness, dignity without
pride, as exemplified in our Divine Saviour! what more
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