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by invitation. A spider, too, had weaved a noble edifice upon my
walls, and I often gave him a feast of gnats or flies, which were
extremely annoying to me, and which he liked much better than I did.
I got quite accustomed to the sight of him; he would run over my
bed, and come and take the precious morsels out of my hand. Would
to heaven these had been the only insects which visited my abode.
It was still summer, and the gnats had begun to multiply to a
prodigious and alarming extent. The previous winter had been
remarkably mild, and after the prevalence of the March winds
followed extreme heat. It is impossible to convey an idea of the
insufferable oppression of the air in the place I occupied. Opposed
directly to a noontide sun, under a leaden roof, and with a window
looking on the roof of St. Mark, casting a tremendous reflection of
the heat, I was nearly suffocated. I had never conceived an idea of
a punishment so intolerable: add to which the clouds of gnats,
which, spite of my utmost efforts, covered every article of
furniture in the room, till even the walls and ceiling seemed alive
with them; and I had some apprehension of being devoured alive.
Their bites, moreover, were extremely painful, and when thus
punctured from morning till night, only to undergo the same
operation from day to day, and engaged the whole time in killing and
slaying, some idea may be formed of the state both of my body and my
mind.
I felt the full force of such a scourge, yet was unable to obtain a
change of dungeon, till at length I was tempted to rid myself of my
life, and had strong fears of running distracted. But, thanks be to
God, these thoughts were not of long duration, and religion
continued to sustain me. It taught me that man was born to suffer,
and to suffer with courage: it taught me to experience a sort of
pleasure in my troubles, to resist and to vanquish in the battle
appointed me by Heaven. The more unhappy, I said to myself, my life
may become, the less will I yield to my fate, even though I should
be condemned in the morning of my life to the scaffold. Perhaps,
without these preliminary and chastening trials, I might have met
death in an unworthy manner. Do I know, moreover, that I possess
those virtues and qualities which deserve prosperity; where and what
are they? Then, seriously examining into my past conduct, I found
too little good on which to pride myself; the chief part was a
tissue of vanity, idolatry, and the mere exterior of virtue.
Unworthy, therefore, as I am, let me suffer! If it be intended that
men and gnats should destroy me, unjustly or otherwise, acknowledge
in them the instruments of a divine justice, and be silent.
CHAPTER XXVII.
Does man stand in need of compulsion before he can be brought to
humble himself with sincerity? to look upon himself as a sinner? Is
it not too true that we in general dissipate our youth in vanity,
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