Previous - next
things lead us to the conclusion that they were in their own nature
bad? Our Saviour himself declared it; the whole law and the
Prophets, the entire body of these sacred books, all inculcate the
same precept to love God and mankind. And must not such writings
embrace the truth--truth adapted to all times and ages? must they
not ever constitute the living word of the Holy Spirit?
Whilst I made these reflections, I renewed my intention of
identifying with religion all my thoughts concerning human affairs,
all my opinions upon the progress of civilisation, my philanthropy,
love of my country, in short, all the passions of my mind.
The few days in which I remained subjected to the cynic doctrine,
did me a deal of harm. I long felt its effects, and had great
difficulty to remove them. Whenever man yields in the least to the
temptation of undignifying his intellect, to view the works of God
through the infernal medium of scorn, to abandon the beneficent
exercise of prayer, the injury which he inflicts upon his natural
reason prepares him to fall again with but little struggle. For a
period of several weeks I was almost daily assaulted with strong,
bitter tendencies to doubt and disbelief; and it called for the
whole power of my mind to free myself from their grasp.
CHAPTER XXVI.
When these mental struggles had ceased, and I had again become
habituated to reverence the Deity in all my thoughts and feelings, I
for some time enjoyed the most unbroken serenity and peace. The
examinations to which I was every two or three days subjected by the
special commission, however tormenting, produced no lasting anxiety,
as before. I succeeded in this arduous position, in discharging all
which integrity and friendship required of me, and left the rest to
the will of God. I now, too, resumed my utmost efforts to guard
against the effects of any sudden surprise, every emotion and
passion, and every imaginable misfortune; a kind of preparation for
future trials of the greatest utility.
My solitude, meantime, grew more oppressive. Two sons of the
jailer, whom I had been in the habit of seeing at brief intervals,
were sent to school, and I saw them no more. The mother and the
sister, who had been accustomed, along with them, to speak to me,
never came near me, except to bring my coffee. About the mother I
cared very little; but the daughter, though rather plain, had
something so pleasing and gentle, both in her words and looks, that
I greatly felt the loss of them. Whenever she brought the coffee,
and said, "It was I who made it," I always thought it excellent:
but when she observed, "This is my mother's making," it lost all its
relish.
Being almost deprived of human society, I one day made acquaintance
with some ants upon my window; I fed them; they went away, and ere
long the placed was thronged with these little insects, as if come
Previous - next
