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I supposed, in a new slavery; in comparison of which all my service
hitherto had been 'perfect freedom;' and whose horrors, always present
to my mind, now rushed on it with tenfold aggravation. I wept very
bitterly for some time: and began to think that I must have done
something to displease the Lord, that he thus punished me so severely.
This filled me with painful reflections on my past conduct; I
recollected that on the morning of our arrival at Deptford I had
rashly sworn that as soon as we reached London I would spend the day
in rambling and sport. My conscience smote me for this unguarded
expression: I felt that the Lord was able to disappoint me in all
things, and immediately considered my present situation as a judgment
of Heaven on account of my presumption in swearing: I therefore, with
contrition of heart, acknowledged my transgression to God, and poured
out my soul before him with unfeigned repentance, and with earnest
supplications I besought him not to abandon me in my distress, nor
cast me from his mercy for ever. In a little time my grief, spent with
its own violence, began to subside; and after the first confusion of
my thoughts was over I reflected with more calmness on my present
condition: I considered that trials and disappointments are sometimes
for our good, and I thought God might perhaps have permitted this in
order to teach me wisdom and resignation; for he had hitherto shadowed
me with the wings of his mercy, and by his invisible but powerful hand
brought me the way I knew not. These reflections gave me a little
comfort, and I rose at last from the deck with dejection and sorrow in
my countenance, yet mixed with some faint hope that the _Lord would
appear_ for my deliverance.
Soon afterwards, as my new master was going ashore, he called me to
him, and told me to behave myself well, and do the business of the
ship the same as any of the rest of the boys, and that I should fare
the better for it; but I made him no answer. I was then asked if I
could swim, and I said, No. However I was made to go under the deck,
and was well watched. The next tide the ship got under way, and soon
after arrived at the Mother Bank, Portsmouth; where she waited a few
days for some of the West India convoy. While I was here I tried every
means I could devise amongst the people of the ship to get me a boat
from the shore, as there was none suffered to come alongside of the
ship; and their own, whenever it was used, was hoisted in again
immediately. A sailor on board took a guinea from me on pretence of
getting me a boat; and promised me, time after time, that it was
hourly to come off. When he had the watch upon deck I watched also;
and looked long enough, but all in vain; I could never see either the
boat or my guinea again. And what I thought was still the worst of
all, the fellow gave information, as I afterwards found, all the while
to the mates, of my intention to go off, if I could in any way do it;
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