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that I began to reflect how pleasant my quarters were to me, and
that I was much better here than crawling under an odious tent with
a parcel of tipsy soldiers, or going the night-rounds or rising long
before daybreak for drill.
The delirium of Mr. Fakenham gave me a hint, and I determined
forthwith to GO MAD. There was a poor fellow about Brady's Town
called 'Wandering Billy,' whose insane pranks I had often mimicked
as a lad, and I again put them in practice. That night I made an
attempt upon Lischen, saluting her with a yell and a grin which
frightened her almost out of her wits; and when anybody came I was
raving. The blow on the head had disordered my brain; the doctor was
ready to vouch for this fact. One night I whispered to him that I
was Julius Caesar, and considered him to be my affianced wife Queen
Cleopatra, which convinced him of my insanity. Indeed, if Her
Majesty had been like my Aesculapius, she must have had a carroty
beard, such as is rare in Egypt.
A movement on the part of the French speedily caused an advance on
our part. The town was evacuated, except by a few Prussian troops,
whose surgeons were to visit the wounded in the place; and, when we
were well, we were to be drafted to our regiments. I determined that
I never would join mine again. My intention was to make for Holland,
almost the only neutral country of Europe in those times, and thence
to get a passage somehow to England, and home to dear old Brady's
Town.
If Mr. Fakenham is now alive, I here tender him my apologies for my
conduct to him. He was very rich; he used me very ill. I managed to
frighten away his servant who came to attend him after the affair of
Warburg, and from that time would sometimes condescend to wait upon
the patient, who always treated me with scorn; but it was my object
to have him alone, and I bore his brutality with the utmost civility
and mildness, meditating in my own mind a very pretty return for all
his favours to me. Nor was I the only person in the house to whom
the worthy gentleman was uncivil. He ordered the fair Lischen hither
and thither, made impertinent love to her, abused her soups,
quarrelled with her omelettes, and grudged the money which was laid
out for his maintenance; so that our hostess detested him as much
as, I think, without vanity, she regarded me.
For, if the truth must be told, I had made very deep love to her
during my stay under her roof; as is always my way with women, of
whatever age or degree of beauty. To a man who has to make his way
in the world, these dear girls can always be useful in one fashion
or another; never mind, if they repel your passion; at any rate,
they are not offended with your declaration of it, and only look
upon you with more favourable eyes in consequence of your
misfortune. As for Lischen, I told her such a pathetic story of my
life (a tale a great deal more romantic than that here narrated,--
for I did not restrict myself to the exact truth in that history, as
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