Previous  - next

" {98c} And that which was the good of it, he would
swear desperately all the while that he never told a lie in his
life, and at every word: "By G---- gentlemen, I tell you nothing
but the truth, and the d---l broil them eternally that will not
believe me."

In short, Peter grew so scandalous that all the neighbourhood began
in plain words to say he was no better than a knave; and his two
brothers, long weary of his ill-usage, resolved at last to leave
him; but first they humbly desired a copy of their father's will,
which had now lain by neglected time out of mind. Instead of
granting this request, he called them rogues, traitors, and the rest
of the vile names he could muster up. However, while he was abroad
one day upon his projects, the two youngsters watched their
opportunity, made a shift to come at the will, and took a copia vera
{99a}, by which they presently saw how grossly they had been abused,
their father having left them equal heirs, and strictly commanded
that whatever they got should lie in common among them all.
Pursuant to which, their next enterprise was to break open the
cellar-door and get a little good drink to spirit and comfort their
hearts {99b}. In copying the will, they had met another precept
against whoring, divorce, and separate maintenance; upon which,
their next work was to discard their concubines and send for their
wives {99c}. Whilst all this was in agitation, there enters a
solicitor from Newgate, desiring Lord Peter would please to procure
a pardon for a thief that was to be hanged to-morrow. But the two
brothers told him he was a coxcomb to seek pardons from a fellow who
deserved to be hanged much better than his client, and discovered
all the method of that imposture in the same form I delivered it a
while ago, advising the solicitor to put his friend upon obtaining a
pardon from the king. In the midst of all this platter and
revolution in comes Peter with a file of dragoons at his heels, and
gathering from all hands what was in the wind, he and his gang,
after several millions of scurrilities and curses not very important
here to repeat, by main force very fairly kicks them both out of
doors, and would never let them come under his roof from that day to
this.



SECTION V.--A DIGRESSION IN THE MODERN KIND.



We whom the world is pleased to honour with the title of modern
authors, should never have been able to compass our great design of
an everlasting remembrance and never-dying fame if our endeavours
had not been so highly serviceable to the general good of mankind.
This, O universe! is the adventurous attempt of me, thy secretary -


"Quemvis perferre laborem
Suadet, et inducit noctes vigilare serenas."


To this end I have some time since, with a world of pains and art,

Previous  - next