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"Bread," says
he, "dear brothers, is the staff of life, in which bread is
contained inclusive the quintessence of beef, mutton, veal, venison,
partridge, plum-pudding, and custard, and to render all complete,
there is intermingled a due quantity of water, whose crudities are
also corrected by yeast or barm, through which means it becomes a
wholesome fermented liquor, diffused through the mass of the bread."
Upon the strength of these conclusions, next day at dinner was the
brown loaf served up in all the formality of a City feast. "Come,
brothers," said Peter, "fall to, and spare not; here is excellent
good mutton {96}; or hold, now my hand is in, I'll help you." At
which word, in much ceremony, with fork and knife, he carves out two
good slices of a loaf, and presents each on a plate to his brothers.
The elder of the two, not suddenly entering into Lord Peter's
conceit, began with very civil language to examine the mystery. "My
lord," said he, "I doubt, with great submission, there may be some
mistake." "What!" says Peter, "you are pleasant; come then, let us
hear this jest your head is so big with." "None in the world, my
Lord; but unless I am very much deceived, your Lordship was pleased
a while ago to let fall a word about mutton, and I would be glad to
see it with all my heart." "How," said Peter, appearing in great
surprise, "I do not comprehend this at all;" upon which the younger,
interposing to set the business right, "My Lord," said he, "my
brother, I suppose, is hungry, and longs for the mutton your
Lordship hath promised us to dinner." "Pray," said Peter, "take me
along with you, either you are both mad, or disposed to be merrier
than I approve of; if you there do not like your piece, I will carve
you another, though I should take that to be the choice bit of the
whole shoulder." "What then, my Lord?" replied the first; "it seems
this is a shoulder of mutton all this while." "Pray, sir," says
Peter, "eat your victuals and leave off your impertinence, if you
please, for I am not disposed to relish it at present;" but the
other could not forbear, being over-provoked at the affected
seriousness of Peter's countenance. "My Lord," said he, "I can only
say, that to my eyes and fingers, and teeth and nose, it seems to be
nothing but a crust of bread." Upon which the second put in his
word. "I never saw a piece of mutton in my life so nearly
resembling a slice from a twelve-penny loaf." "Look ye, gentlemen,"
cries Peter in a rage, "to convince you what a couple of blind,
positive, ignorant, wilful puppies you are, I will use but this
plain argument; by G---, it is true, good, natural mutton as any in
Leadenhall Market; and G--- confound you both eternally if you offer
to believe otherwise." Such a thundering proof as this left no

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