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of Lives and Fortunes; and Prerogative, and Property, and Liberty of
Conscience, and Letters to a Friend: from an understanding and a
conscience, threadbare and ragged with perpetual turning; from a
head broken in a hundred places by the malignants of the opposite
factions, and from a body spent with poxes ill cured, by trusting to
bawds and surgeons, who (as it afterwards appeared) were professed
enemies to me and the Government, and revenged their party's quarrel
upon my nose and shins. Fourscore and eleven pamphlets have I
written under three reigns, and for the service of six-and-thirty
factions. But finding the State has no farther occasion for me and
my ink, I retire willingly to draw it out into speculations more
becoming a philosopher, having, to my unspeakable comfort, passed a
long life with a conscience void of offence towards God and towards
men.
But to return. I am assured from the reader's candour that the
brief specimen I have given will easily clear all the rest of our
society's productions from an aspersion grown, as it is manifest,
out of envy and ignorance, that they are of little farther use or
value to mankind beyond the common entertainments of their wit and
their style; for these I am sure have never yet been disputed by our
keenest adversaries; in both which, as well as the more profound and
most mystical part, I have throughout this treatise closely followed
the most applauded originals. And to render all complete I have
with much thought and application of mind so ordered that the chief
title prefixed to it (I mean that under which I design it shall pass
in the common conversation of court and town) is modelled exactly
after the manner peculiar to our society.
I confess to have been somewhat liberal in the business of titles
{69a}, having observed the humour of multiplying them, to bear great
vogue among certain writers, whom I exceedingly reverence. And
indeed it seems not unreasonable that books, the children of the
brain, should have the honour to be christened with variety of
names, as well as other infants of quality. Our famous Dryden has
ventured to proceed a point farther, endeavouring to introduce also
a multiplicity of godfathers {69b}, which is an improvement of much
more advantage, upon a very obvious account. It is a pity this
admirable invention has not been better cultivated, so as to grow by
this time into general imitation, when such an authority serves it
for a precedent. Nor have my endeavours been wanting to second so
useful an example, but it seems there is an unhappy expense usually
annexed to the calling of a godfather, which was clearly out of my
head, as it is very reasonable to believe. Where the pinch lay, I
cannot certainly affirm; but having employed a world of thoughts and
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