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I hope there will be no reason to doubt; particularly, that where I
am not understood, it shall be concluded that something very useful
and profound is couched underneath; and again, that whatever word or
sentence is printed in a different character shall be judged to
contain something extraordinary either of wit or sublime.

As for the liberty I have thought fit to take of praising myself,
upon some occasions or none, I am sure it will need no excuse if a
multitude of great examples be allowed sufficient authority; for it
is here to be noted that praise was originally a pension paid by the
world, but the moderns, finding the trouble and charge too great in
collecting it, have lately bought out the fee-simple, since which
time the right of presentation is wholly in ourselves. For this
reason it is that when an author makes his own eulogy, he uses a
certain form to declare and insist upon his title, which is commonly
in these or the like words, "I speak without vanity," which I think
plainly shows it to be a matter of right and justice. Now, I do
here once for all declare, that in every encounter of this nature
through the following treatise the form aforesaid is implied, which
I mention to save the trouble of repeating it on so many occasions.

It is a great ease to my conscience that I have written so elaborate
and useful a discourse without one grain of satire intermixed, which
is the sole point wherein I have taken leave to dissent from the
famous originals of our age and country. I have observed some
satirists to use the public much at the rate that pedants do a
naughty boy ready horsed for discipline. First expostulate the
case, then plead the necessity of the rod from great provocations,
and conclude every period with a lash. Now, if I know anything of
mankind, these gentlemen might very well spare their reproof and
correction, for there is not through all Nature another so callous
and insensible a member as the world's posteriors, whether you apply
to it the toe or the birch. Besides, most of our late satirists
seem to lie under a sort of mistake, that because nettles have the
prerogative to sting, therefore all other weeds must do so too. I
make not this comparison out of the least design to detract from
these worthy writers, for it is well known among mythologists that
weeds have the pre-eminence over all other vegetables; and therefore
the first monarch of this island whose taste and judgment were so
acute and refined, did very wisely root out the roses from the
collar of the order and plant the thistles in their stead, as the
nobler flower of the two. For which reason it is conjectured by
profounder antiquaries that the satirical itch, so prevalent in this
part of our island, was first brought among us from beyond the

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