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I hope
to goodness he won't come up. Fathers should be neither seen nor
heard. That is the only proper basin for family life. Mothers are
different. Mothers are darlings. [Throws himself down into a chair,
picks up a paper and begins to read it.]

[Enter LORD CAVERSHAM.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir, what are you doing here? Wasting your
time as usual, I suppose?

LORD GORING. [Throws down paper and rises.] My dear father, when
one pays a visit it is for the purpose of wasting other people's
time, not one's own.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Have you been thinking over what I spoke to you
about last night?

LORD GORING. I have been thinking about nothing else.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Engaged to be married yet?

LORD GORING. [Genially.] Not yet: but I hope to be before lunch-
time.

LORD CAVERSHAM. [Caustically.] You can have till dinner-time if it
would be of any convenience to you.

LORD GORING. Thanks awfully, but I think I'd sooner be engaged
before lunch.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Humph! Never know when you are serious or not.

LORD GORING. Neither do I, father.

[A pause.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. I suppose you have read THE TIMES this morning?

LORD GORING. [Airily.] THE TIMES? Certainly not. I only read THE
MORNING POST. All that one should know about modern life is where
the Duchesses are; anything else is quite demoralising.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Do you mean to say you have not read THE TIMES
leading article on Robert Chiltern's career?

LORD GORING. Good heavens! No. What does it say?

LORD CAVERSHAM. What should it say, sir? Everything complimentary,
of course. Chiltern's speech last night on this Argentine Canal
scheme was one of the finest pieces of oratory ever delivered in the
House since Canning.

LORD GORING. Ah! Never heard of Canning. Never wanted to. And did
. . . did Chiltern uphold the scheme?

LORD CAVERSHAM. Uphold it, sir? How little you know him! Why, he
denounced it roundly, and the whole system of modern political
finance. This speech is the turning-point in his career, as THE
TIMES points out. You should read this article, sir. [Opens THE
TIMES.] 'Sir Robert Chiltern . . . most rising of our young
statesmen . . . Brilliant orator . . . Unblemished career . . . Well-
known integrity of character . . . Represents what is best in English
public life . . . Noble contrast to the lax morality so common among
foreign politicians.' They will never say that of you, sir.

LORD GORING. I sincerely hope not, father. However, I am delighted
at what you tell me about Robert, thoroughly delighted. It shows he
has got pluck.

LORD CAVERSHAM. He has got more than pluck, sir, he has got genius.

LORD GORING. Ah! I prefer pluck. It is not so common, nowadays, as
genius is.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I wish you would go into Parliament.

LORD GORING. My dear father, only people who look dull ever get into

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